What My Son Has Taught Me

When my son was diagnosed with autism there were a million things going through my head. One of the most prevalent was the thought that he would never be a normal boy and that all of my dreams had been wiped clean. I felt as though my little boy would never lead a "normal" life and that nothing good could ever come of this "autism".

That was 11 years ago. In those eleven years I have learned many valuable lessons from my son. I would like to share some of them with you.

My son has taught me compassion. I have eaten so many words that I should be full forever. I will never again look at a child having a meltdown in the store and think that he needs a good spanking or that his mother is not a very good mother. I will look into her weary eyes and try to convey my understanding. My son has taught me that.

My son has taught me honesty. He never sees a good reason to lie. He is probably right. He will never break anyone's heart, steal from another the things that they have worked so hard for, or get something that he doesn't deserve. He won't lie to protect himself from punishment or to get out of something. He will take the consequences of his actions because he simply doesn't see that there is any other way to live. Truthful is the only way to be and my son has taught me that.

My son has taught me tenacity. So many days I would like to just go back to the way that my life used to be. To not have to research, advocate, call, write, get to know my legislators, get to know my administrators, or fight one more battle. But, if I don't, who will? Who will be the person that makes sure that he lives up to his fullest potential, if I don't? My son has taught me to never quit.

My son has taught me to be supportive. Before he was born I was happy keeping my house spotless, my garden weedless, and my life simple. Because of him I have learned the value of support. Giving and receiving. I have met wonderful people and I thank God every day that He brought us together. I constantly hear that God doesn't give us more than we can bear. I believe that He does. I believe that He also gave us each other knowing that we would support each other and help each other get through this. He also was so wise as to give a scientist the idea that we would be needing Lexapro and that it needed to be developed.

My son has taught be to be assertive. I had always believed that the experts knew everything and that we should blindly place our faith in them. I now know that is simply not true and that without questions there can never be any real answers. I have learned that we will never be given anything without making it available and that requires a lot of diligence and hard work. I have learned that we can put a man on the moon, but we can't teach the engineer, that made the shuttle, social skills.

My son has taught me charity. He is willing to give anything that he has to someone that has less. He would give his most prized possession to another child. He would move a homeless person into our home. He would give his food to a hungry person. My son has shown me how selfish I can be and what the true meaning of a giving heart is.

My son has taught me love. He loves with no conditions. In his eyes, I am the most beautiful woman in the world. In his eyes I am the most intelligent person on the planet. In his heart, I am the best Mommy that God ever created. Our lives are not what we had expected. He will never be the president of the United States. He will never be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. He will never be a lawyer or a doctor. In reality, I have no idea what his future holds. But, at night when I lay down beside him and look into that angelic face, I can't imagine him any other way.

By Sherri Tucker

My Speech Before the Missouri Blue Ribbon Panel on Autism

I am the mother of three beautiful children. My twin daughters came into my life through adoption. My son came into my life through birth. My children are precious and have brought me more joy than I couldever imagine.

My son is 14 years old. He has been diagnosed with Early Infantile Autism and some of its comorbid conditions. He is honest, fair, and intelligent. He also will probably never leave home because he didn't receive the early intervention that he needed to become successful. Before my children were born I was working for a Fortune 500 company and was making a very good wage. I am now working for a grocery store making $7.50 per hour. I am unable to make more than that for several reasons. They all have to do with my son's disability.

I co-founded the Lee's Summit Autism Support Group because I was frustrated and didn't know where to go for help. I met another mother on a website for parents of children with disabilities. We quickly became support for each other and spoke on the telephone frequently.We started our group because we knew that there had to be other families out there that were suffering the same way and needed the same support that we were looking for.

I will not begin to describe the trials and tribulations that we have encountered trying to get our support group going, but I can proudly tell you that through persistance and sheer will we have a wonderful group of parents now.

This leads to my issue with employment. I can not give up my support group and it takes a huge amount of my time. I am willing to accept that challenge and I make the sacrifices. I can do a lot of the work when my children are in bed.My son is in high school and because there is such a lack of knowledge about autism, he misses 30 days of school each year. This is because his IEP isn't being implemented, or his teachers don't understand that children with autism need to chew and he is reprimanded for chewing, or he shuts downand his teacher writes him up. This all leads to him becoming physically ill and having to be picked up from school.

Then there are the appointments with doctors to try and find the right medication to address some of his issues. This is no small task and requires diligence and time. I can't work for a company that expects me to be at work every day. I need to be available during school hours. I can only work weekends, evenings, and nights. This has lead to me making half of what I made over 20 years ago and missing out on a lot of family time with husband and children.

I am fortunate. My husband makes a good living and I can afford to make this sacrifice. For years I was able to stay home, but with the present economy, I have been forced back to work. Some families can not.Some families are made up of single mothers that are in fear of losing their jobs when they are called to the school to pick up their children.

I stand before you a mother that felt she knew everything that she needed to know to raise children. The day that my son was born, that all changed. I have become an advocate and a lobbyist. Not because I enjoy it or even want to do it. My son's life depends on it.

This affects every part of my family. My daughters feel that I love my son more than I love them because he is biological and they are adopted. They think that all of the time that I spend fighting for my son's life is about favortism. They are losing the right to have their Mommy be what she should be. They had to give up part of their youth because I have to fight for my son.

This is something that I can't take back or do over. Children shouldn't have to pay the price for the inadequacies of society.

I am holding two pictures of my son. The one on the left is how the world sees my son. The one on the right is how I see him. Thank you for your time.